Text: Daniel Johnson
Screen Captures: Daniel Johnson
Now before I get a bunch of hate mail, asking why I disgraced the multiple covers of "The Punisher Kills the Marvel Universe" with my crappy Microsoft paint job, I have to that this is just about the greatest comic book ever. With the exception of "Watchmen" and maybe a few Batman comics here and there, there is simply nothing more awesome than seeing the Punisher kill everyone.
That's why the comic should have been called, "The Punisher Kills Everyone." Yeah, I know the reason it was called "The Punisher Kills the Marvel Universe" was probably because DC Comics would have cried foul as no DC characters were involved. But I mean come on if the Punisher can kill characters like Galactus and the Silver Surfer, than what chance would the heroes and villains from the DC universe have? If the devourer of worlds can't defeat the Punisher than what DC character can? Alfred the butler?
Rather than these covers I would have preferred a plain black and white cover that just showed the Punisher skull with the text, "The Punisher Kills Everyone." I would have bought it. Hell, I would have bought ten.
So why not just make that cover instead of going on this longwinded comic book geek rant? Oh the mysteries of life.
Anyways back to the comic, which begins interestingly enough through the still functioning eyes of a prepubescent Matt Murdoch aka Daredevil. In his neighborhood, Hell's Kitchen, New York he is getting pounded on by an equally prepubescent Danny Bonaduce when the Punisher, then known as Frank Castle comes to his aid.
Flash forwards decades later and not much has changed. The Punisher is still the ultimate badass and Daredevil is...well...a wuss. Expert storyteller Garth Ennis shows this through an epic battle, where an all out war looks to have erupted in the heart of New York. With civilians being caught in the crossfire, Daredevil is disheartened by the affair and calmly bickers with the insensitive pricks heroes, most notably Cyclops.
However, when the Punisher learns that his wife and children were among those caught in the crossfire, guess what his reaction is?
Yep, you guessed it he's pissed and takes it out on Cyclops in two of the greatest comic panels ever. The thing that could have made those two frames better was if the Punisher blew away the Cyclops from the '90's X-Men cartoon, the most annoying incarnation of Cyclops by far.
Still, Cyclops is technically a hero and that coupled together with the Punisher taking out Jubilee as well leaves the justice the justice system no other choice, but to throw the book at Mr. Castle.
Oh yeah, it should also be mentioned that a non-prepubescent Daredevil tries to get the Punisher off the hook, but he once again proves to be useless. So anyway moving on...
With the Punisher serving life imprisonment, things are looking down for the famed anti-hero with just a flip of a page. As it turns out more people get killed and maimed in the crossfire of superhero combat then the standard comic would lead you to believe.
And these civilians, left shells of their former selves want vengeance. Led by a mysterious burn victim named Kesselring, the group convinces the Punisher to administer their brand of justice against the Marvel Universe, hero and villain alike. They do this not only through their sob stories, but also through some disturbing sexual undertones.
After Kesselring agrees to supply the Punisher with the equipment necessary to take out the Marvel Universe he goes on his first mission, taking out Venom and Spider-Man. Now normally an entire comic could be spent on accomplishing this feat, but in the interest of keeping it concise, the Punisher simply plows through the competition with the assistance of one panel that acts as something of a precursor to "Spider-Man 3's" emo Peter Parker.
Castle then sets his sights on someone a little lower on the totem pole as he kills a hobo for no reason whatsoever.
Okay so it's actually Bruce Banner aka the Incredible Hulk, but you have to admit having the Punisher just randomly kill a hobo would have given some variation to this comic.
Bored of killing guys like Cyclops and an un-incredible Hulk (zing!) the Punisher decides that his next target will be a trophy killing, and what bigger target is there than that fat slob, the Kingpin? I know. It's suppose to be all muscle, but I trust Mr. Fisk about as much as I trust Cartman when he says the exact same thing. So with an image lifted right out of one of the Rambo movies, the Punisher forces his way through the Kingpin's fortress.
But of course once he gets to the big kahuna and nonchalantly blows his brains out, the mass of a man collapses on the Punisher. Perhaps not the smartest idea to blow out a whale's brains when he's towering over you, eh Mr. Castle? Being pinned under Fisk's weight our anti-hero is stuck until the authorities arrive.
However, with Kesselring's wealth behind him the Punisher's stay in jail is over with another flip of a page. From one evil fortress to the next, Punisher's next challenge is the lord of Latveria himself Doctor Doom. Doom's death is one of the more entertaining in this comic as unlike others, who are either pushovers or lumped together, Castle really savors this one.
While a magnetic mine may have taken out other armored clad inhabitants of the Marvel Universe, Doom is one tough cookie. Nevertheless, the Punisher is undeterred in accomplishing his mission.
Getting back to his mutant prey, the Punisher decides to expedite the process by sending out invitations to both the evil mutants and the heroic mutants to meet for one final showdown on the moon. Can you see where this one is going?
With bodies piling up, the Punisher is running out of worthy opponents. Furthermore, with such a high number of deaths, an adverse affect on the surviving heroes is to be expected, which is shown through Wolverine, once the poster boy of the X-Men plunging face first into alcoholism.
In this case the Punisher is looking to make Wolverine's death particularly painful as he had been among the heroes battling when Castle's wife and children were killed. Additionally on that day following the Punisher taking out his frustrations on Wolverine's fellow X-Men, the ballistic Wolverine left a nice series of gashes on Castle's face.
Despite Wolverine apparently having a higher percentage of alcohol coursing through his blood stream than David Crosby in his prime, the master of adamantium is clearly the Punisher's biggest challenge to date. However, following a brief and bitter battle, Wolverine becomes just another victim.
The ridiculousness of the situation is made apparent when faces and gunshots are simply shown to represent the utter annihilation of the Marvel Universe that the Punisher has carried out. Although notably absent are the previously mentioned Galactus and the Silver Surfer, which are two battles I for one would have liked to see. While it may be assumed that the deaths of these two were omitted because some fanboys would have crapped all over them being taken out by the Punisher in a few panels as I said before, if you're going to make a comic book where the Punisher kills everyone, then the Punisher has to kill everyone.
Anyway along with this series of deaths the Punisher is also shown in and out of jail. The state refusing to execute him along with his exchanges with Murdoch only adds to the comedy of it all.
If this story is ever adapted into a film, then I insist that Ben Affleck do a spit take after Castle's dialogue. Wait, scratch that. If this story is ever adapted into a movie, make sure Ben Affleck is no where near its production.
Following another death in the form of a brief scuffle with Captain America, the Punisher has all, but accomplished his task of taking out every hero and villain. This is met with rousing ovation from his motley crew of deformed financer.
Still, the Punisher acting as the ultimate party pooper is having none of that to which Kesselring takes great offense.
Yeah, Kesselring should have taken the hint from the moment he first heard of what the Punisher did to Cyclops...
Freeing himself from any debts to his former financers, the Punisher aims to take out apparently the last super being in the Marvel Universe, Daredevil. With as wussy as Daredevil has been portrayed throughout this comic how he outlasted every other hero and villain is beyond me, but hey at least it gives a nice circular structure for the story.
Fortunately, Daredevil defies expectations and gives our anti-hero a good fight, managing to stand toe-to-toe with the gun wielding Punisher. Unfortunately, once Daredevil gets the upper-hand he wines over Castle the same way his alter-ego Matt Murdoch has throughout the entire comic.
But come on, this the Punisher we're talking about. As such in a drawing that looks to be lifted from another Sly Stallone flick, this time in the form of Rocky Balboa scoring an uppercut on Ivan Draco, the Punisher lands the deathblow on Daredevil.
It is only then that Castle discovers his final opponent was no other than his only friend left in the world, Matt Murdoch.
While I would like to say the comic ends with the Punisher riding into the sunset, unfortunately it takes a very dark and downbeat turn as this final image attests.
Despite the ample amount of complaining I did throughout this write-up, I still stand by my original statement that it just about the greatest comic book ever made. Although I would have preferred if the comic was a little more lighthearted or that the end not be so damn depressing, with this dark tone the comic is given gravity. While any psycho with enough free time on his or her hands could draw a stick figure comic with the Punisher killing EVERYBODY, here master comic book writer, Garth Ennis tells a story that even the most inexperienced comic book fan can appreciate.
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